Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my shit smells like andre
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
