Buhtt sex?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
