I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
