is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i will never coherently bang her
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
