I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
