i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
