U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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