Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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