I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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