The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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