i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
