Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
