the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize
