I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
