Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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