His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
