I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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