do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I need a beard to bite.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
