What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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