As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
