I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Randomize
