Please, let me fuck your mom
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
