Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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