..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
