You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
