My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
