Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
