her vagine was all disorganized.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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