It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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