i think i have herpe
just one?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
