I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
