when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
