The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Will exercising make me less horny?
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