i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
