can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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