Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
