I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
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