What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
