Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
