Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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