can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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