I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
