K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
