3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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