Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
