i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
