The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
