And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
