Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
