im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
