Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Two words: blizzard sex
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
