goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
