you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We have started to decorate penises.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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