So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
there is puke in my bra ... again
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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