i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
