I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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