I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wanna bring you to show and tell
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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