this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
