You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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