3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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